Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Broken-Hearted

Well, I had a very emotional last few weeks. It's affected my writing, my sleeping, and my blogging. I had to make a very difficult decision to part ways with the independent film that I've been working on for about a year now. The project was originally brought to me by another producer and we had a disagreement (an amicable one, since we've been friends for about 7 years now) about how to move forward.

When I left my former life, I made a pact to establish myself as a writer. I'm super competitive so it's been murdering me to listen to my friends succeed (I mean, I'm happy for them, but I also know I could be them), while I toil away at home, doing all kinds of crazy jobs to keep my dog off the street and my little putt-putt on the road. Ultimately, I guess it came down to me not wanting to compromise during the hours I don't spend writing. I agonized over it, and came to the conclusion that the sadness I feel at leaving is far outweighed by the anxiety I felt staying.

Anyway, I finally spoke with the filmmaker today to reassure him that I wasn't leaving the project because I no longer believed in his film or in him. These are always really difficult calls, and I'm happy to say he is a very classy guy and it went as well as it could (no tears!). So, broken-hearted, I'm writing out my sorrows in this little scene I came up with over the weekend for my TV pilot. It's a bit arch right now, very mellow dramatic, wounded warrior kind of stuff which I'll smooth out later, but it sort fits with how I'm feeling right now....

3 comments:

wcdixon said...

awww...i'm sorry to hear about all this. But if it was really truly causing you angst then good for you for walking away. I don't think I've ever stepped away or aside or back from something, even if it was making me really unhappy or not sleeping or just pissing me off, I've stuck it out. But have had great admiration for those with the guts and integrity or wherewithall (is that even a word?) to do so - a good writer friend who walked from a David Kelley show...'David Kelley'...because he thought it sucked and was making him miserable.

Okay, enough blather...make that pilot scene sing...or weep...whatever works for you.

Chris said...

Hey Diva,

Hang in there. Your story sounds a lot like mine in that way. I saw friends and colleagues that I went to law school thriving while I was just surviving. So they'll be making partner while I'm going back to the drawing board for a little bit. But even square one makes me happier than trying to keep up with them and falling short (though in my case, it was pretty clear to me that my path lay somewhere else than the legal world)

Jutratest said...

Same goes for me and my CIA work. Hang in there Diva!